This year has brought me face-to-face with troubles of many kinds. Unexplainable health issues plagued me, and no doctor could provide the answers or treatment I desperately needed. When this first began, I cried out to the Lord, saying, “This is hard.” That was unusual for me. I don’t often label things as “hard” or “challenging.” I’m the type to put my fighting gloves on and get to work. But this—this was different. This was scary.
In His love, God met me in that place of fear and whispered, “I know it’s hard, but will you trust Me?”
I didn’t know what trust looked like in that moment. I only sensed that the months ahead would be uncertain and challenging but that answers would eventually come.
Months turned into a year of relentless doctor appointments and fighting in every way I knew how. Each doctor offered pain medication to help me feel better, but my response remained the same: “I can handle the pain. It’s the uncertainty I need addressed.” Sleepless nights, pain-filled days, a complete overhaul of my diet and daily routine, and many hours buried in my journal followed. Still, no answers came.
The hardest part wasn’t the physical struggle—it was the spiritual one. I didn’t know how to fight spiritually. I felt adrift, unable to hear the clarity or comfort I longed for from the Lord. My prayers became simple yet desperate: “God, I can get through anything if I can hear Your voice.”
One day, during a prayer walk, a revelation hit me. In past trials and difficulties, I had always relied on my ability to overcome by drawing on my past. Having survived childhood abuse, abandonment, and trauma, my mantra had become, If I could get through that, I can get through this.
That perspective had always worked—until now. This health challenge was the first trial that rivaled the pain of my childhood. My old coping mechanism—comparing my current troubles to past traumas—failed me. For the first time, I couldn’t rely on my ability to power through.
And that’s when God began to teach me a deeper lesson.
I realized I’d been relying on survival mode, not on Him. My strength came from my own past victories rather than His presence in my present struggles. God used this situation to unearth that pattern in me and gently invited me to place my trust in Him instead of my ability to cope.
I’d like to say I immediately and perfectly surrendered, but it’s been a work in progress. Each day, I am learning to lean on the truth that God is my refuge and strength, always present in trouble. He has His hand on my life even when I don’t have all the answers.
The health challenges remain, but so does God’s faithfulness. I now stand stronger, learning to trust Him instead of leaning on my own understanding. He promises to work all things together for good, and this trial has already begun to bear fruit. It has untied me from survival-based coping and rooted me more deeply in Him.
Sometimes, we don’t get the answers right away. But God’s promise to work things out for good is a sure foundation, and it’s one I’m learning to stand on.
What area of your life is God inviting you to surrender and trust Him, even when the answers don’t come easily?
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